Well, no, I did not die after trying on bridesmaid dresses. However, about five seconds after writing
the previous blog in February, I found out I was pregnant. SO, not only did I get to be the token fat bridesmaid, I got to wear TWO hats and double as the pregnant bridesmaid as well. Honestly though, it’s not that depressing being pregnant and fat. You can just blame your vericose veins, bevvy of stretchmarks, disgusting desire to eat every five minutes and guarding your dinner plate like a convict on that precious little baby.
But, why did I disappear? Well, after getting over the fact that I have to gain weight to support this little fetus and laughing at God maniacally for a week and a half, I decided I didn’t want to blast how much I hated gaining weight all over the internets and give my daughter (yes, a GIRL) a jumpstart on impending weight issues. Lord knows, with my genes, she is going to come out embarassed of her size newborn diapers.
Needless to say, the past nine months have been a orgy of preservatives, carbohydrates, artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup and a lot of other three dollar words for being an utter sow.
I have less than a month to go in this pregnancy and just wanted to let everyone know, as soon as my nether regions are stitched back together and I stop sobbing while looking at my wrinkly, deflated, rippled, sack of flesh I call my stomach, I am back in action. No holds barred.