Here Comes the Fattie

*Rocking out at right around 301 pounds still. I can seriously taste 299. If I cut off a foot, would that still count as weight loss?*

Anyway, my best friend is getting married. I am the maid of honor. The wedding is in October. Thus, dress shopping starts in two weeks. I really highly doubt I can lose 100 pounds in two weeks. Therefore, I have to go through the excruciating task of trying on dresses.

Oh, the horror…

At least I can thank my lucky stars that this isn’t the ’80s. I would look like a side of beef in these dresses.

Not only is every dressing room experience a fat girl’s arch nemesis, but most bridal shops only carry bridesmaid dresses in size six and twelve. I wasn’t even a size twelve in the seventh grade. So, I get to go through that awkward moment of standing around a gaggle of skinny ladies prancing around in adorableness and will all know, without saying, that I am too fat to try any on.

Is morning drinking OK during these events?

However, I will be thrilled to see my beautiful friend trying on dresses. She, unlike me, is a tall, thing dark-haired beauty who will be like my own life-sized Barbie doll. Just to be there for that experience will hopefully numb the pain of being the token fat girl who needs her dress made at the hot air balloon factory.

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