I Just Want to be a Stripper

I have always wanted to be a back-up dancer in a music video.

Now, I’m not talking one of those really talented In Living Color-type dancers. I’m talking the girl in the red bikini writhing around on the hood of a Lamborghini while rappers throw money on her. I want to not have to have a “great personality” but be nothing more than a set of knockers and legs.

Never in my life have I been able to just get anything by being “hot.” Let alone earn a living by just flopping around on the hood of a car. Now, before you feminists come picket my front lawn, I do know there is nothing more important than an education and personality and blah, blah, blah. But, damnit, sometimes I just want people to throw money for my great body!

Basically, skinny girls take one thing for granted. Fat girls spend their whole lives building a great personality and intelligence to pay their bills. However, skinny girls always have that safety net of knowing “if this all falls through, I can always strip.” No, that doesn’t seem like the most glamorous safety net, but it is one still. Sure, fat girls can do stuff like that but it’s more like sitting on birthday cakes for some weird substitute teacher on a webcam once a week.

I will dare to say it, though. Sometimes, I just want to be a stripper. Sometimes I just want to go to a job where people throw money at me to just stand there. My mind doesn’t matter. I am, literally, just a hot zombie that makes hundreds of dollars a night. Then, I would go home and spend all day writing in my robe drinking coffee that wasn’t from a  bargain bin and become a famous writer. Wait, what was that? I can barely see you through my rose-colored glasses.

I came to this great epiphany while watching Survivor, tonight. These pretty little things in their fluorescent string bikinis turn men to putty. I have seen a hot woman win this show twice by doing nothing more than flirting her way to the top. The saddest part is, the second time through all those men knew she won by flirting the first time but were unable to fall into her sexy little snare.

Bottom line is: if you’re skinny know that you always have that stripper pole as a backup plan.

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