Miracle Diet

Come on, flu, just two more pounds to go!

Weighing in at 301 lbs today.

You read that right…seven pounds less in two days. Now, I can hear your pleas already for the answer on what type of witch doctery I am practicing over here to drop that much that fast. No, I didn’t run the Boston Marathon. No, I didn’t have overnight lipo. No, I didn’t weight myself leaning against the sink to appear thinner.

Nope…I got the flu.

As much as I “love” writhing in the bathroom floor in the fetal position awaiting my body to evacuate the last dribble of nutrients it scrounged from some corner of my intestines…it actually was quite nice to see the scale drop so dramatically overnight. However, I was not the only one who was taken down by this nasty bug. My 9 month old son and husband were the first men down. I was skittering about all weekend among exploded diapers and puke buckets trying to keep everyone from dying. Two days in, I was hit. And being the true fatty that I am, I still managed to eat four pieces of toast yesterday. To my benefit, that was all I ate yesterday and felt somewhat less cathartic afterward; however, I find it quite discerning that while the entire house smells like a lower intestine, and the mere chore of blinking seems to laborious, I still manage to waddle myself into the kitchen to whip something up. I mean, I made it until the early afternoon without a meal, I am not living in a concentration camp.

My biggest worry, however, is since I haven’t eaten (really) in a day, I am going to eat a normal days worth of points and wake up tomorrow 20 pounds heavier from my body packing each calorie to that lower belly bulge that will just never die. The thought of exercising makes me want to jump in front of oncoming traffic, so that’s not an option. So, I guess I will just sit here with fingers and toes crossed that my flu weight stays off.

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