How We Found Out

I woke up the morning my life changed at a casino. I had spent the night at their hotel the night before with my husband while he played in a poker tournament. We won big bucks and drank extremely expensive champagne and I made him get me Snickers cheesecake at 3 am from the restaurant. Notice the foreshadowing…

Well, that morning I felt like I had slept on a slot machine. I couldn’t wake up or stop eating donuts to save my soul. I couldn’t go right into work, I needed sleep so badly I think I may have actually cried. So, my husband covered for me and I came into our little pizza shop that afternoon. Needless to say, I felt like I was third class on the Titanic for three months: I was nauseous, I felt like I slept on a cardboard cot and I cried non-stop. Then, one of our employees said, “Hey, are you pregnant?”

“Pregnant? No way…” Cue question mark above my head.

I instantly hopped in my car and headed to the pharmacy. But, I was still convinced that I wasn’t. I mean, I wasn’t even, um, late. But I had to know. My husband and I had been “trying” or should I say “not, not trying” like we liked to put it and I was already considering buying What to Expect When You’re Expecting and some extra stretchy fat pants from Wal-Mart. But I pulled it together…

I quickly scrambled back to the restaurant where my husbanded awaited my arrival. He laughed at my constant jumping-of-the-gun and said he also didn’t really think I was with child. So I waited to take the test. Approximately 32 seconds later, I was hovered in the bathroom over this test. It was a test that had an overly complicated reading. One line=not pregnant, two pink lines=pregnant. I got a bright 1.2 lines. Huh.

I quickly ran this to my husband and he said it was just one line, but I could faintly see two if I held the angle just the right way and closed one eye. He wasn’t sold yet. He told me to wait a couple days and take another one. I agreed. Then, I took two more that night and three the next day. Same results. I was befuddled. Once my current supply was dry, I headed back to Wal-Mart, telling my husband some haphazard reason that I needed to shop and went directly for the Family Planning section. There I saw they had digital tests. I bought one but instantly regretted it. This meant it was going to be black and white, pregnant or not pregnant. I just knew it was going to say “not pregnant”…

And then I quickly iBooked What to Expect When Your Expecting and loaded my lips with prenatal vitamins. Here we go…