Mommy School


I’m one of those people who constantly advocates the sterilization of rapists, serial killers, the mentally ill, child molesters, hillbillies, conservatives (sorry girls, had to do it)…

But I’m at a crossroads.

What makes me think I’m so fit to be a mother? To actually give birth to something and take care of it?

I thought of this because I’m sick. And every time I’m sick, whether it’s emergency room sick or just Midol sick, I want my mommy.

I think this might be the absolute worst part about living alone. I was sick once this summer… as in puking, shitting, sweating, freezing, groaning in pain ill. I would have sold my soul to the Devil to have my mom there.

But what makes moms so great?

I was just trying to perform a self-diagnosis on my hacking cough by looking at my throat in the mirror. I sat there open-mouthed for a solid minute just staring at the hangy thing in the back of my throat…what was I looking for anyway???

Where do moms learn this? Their moms. Isn’t that beautiful? I think motherhood is one of the most interesting learnings for someone. I mean, most of what moms do isn’t read in a book…they just call their mom and they tell them what to do (sometimes it involves whiskey, but, hey, at least they’re trying). The tricks and medications and TLC just gets passed down from generation to generation.

I miss my mom.

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