Thank You, Officer

I started to literally feel death gripping around my mind after spending my weekend laying around my house in my pajamas eating macaroni and cheese…so I decided to leave the house today.

Mind you, this is my Sunday (even though it’s Tuesday) and I had a doctor’s appt. at 9 a.m. So, I got dressed, did my makeup and left. As I’m about two miles from the hospital I see a cop getting ready to pull out behind me.

Panic seizes me since I know that my license plates expired in June (Ironically, I was going to the doctor for anxiety treatment…)

Well, as luck would have it there was no where to turn off to hide my car behind a dumpster until the 5-o drives by. Of COURSE there were about five cars in front of me driving 10 miles under the speed limit and I’m trying to will them to go faster.

At first the cop was far enough behind me that he couldn’t see my plates. Then all of a sudden he gunned it like I just threw a bag of white powder out my window.

Lights on…and I’m over.

He walks up to my car and my car is really classy and the windows don’t roll down. So, I go to open my door and his hand is on his gun…and I almost burst into tears.

After the initial shock I tell him that my windows don’t roll down.

Officer: ” Well, ma’am. I pulled you over for a couple of things…one you were following that truck really closely and two your plates are expired.”
Me: *Gasp* “Really?!”
Officer: “Yeah, why were you following so closely…are you in a hurry?”
Me: “I’m just on my way to an appointment at the hospital.” (“hospital” was dripping with cancerous, HIV positive innuendos to try and pull some mercy from this sap)
Officer: “Well, let me see your license and I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

After a mere 30 seconds he returns while I’m promising God that I’ll quit smoking, never drink again, remain abstinent for eternity if I just don’t get this ticket…

Officer: “Well, I’m going to cut you some slack…”
In my head: I knew that was too good of a deal for God to pass up.

Officer: “I’m going to let you go on the following to closely and send you your citation for the plates in the mail.”
Again in my head while a painful smile plasters to my face: “Well, thank you so very much officer.”

So, now I’m back home in my bed in my pj’s with frozen pizza hiding from humanity because this is apparently where I’m supposed to be.

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